i'm moving out.
it was a mutual decision, we both brought it up together. i assumed it was permanent, david wants it to be temporary.
i want my own place! i want my own space and to have my own friends over.
things are ok. really. better than ok. i'm really scared and i keep crying, but i'm happy.
i have never been on my own before.

i just checked all the az residents' facebook statuses. they all basically boil down to WTF THE CARDINALS ARE IN TEH SUPER BOWL

:) that was a damn good game :)

weaving. well, maybe. it's just a whole new way of looking at yarn!

a nice loom costs something like $1500, so i'm starting with this.

i am imagining a HANDSPUN, HANDWOVEN blanket. in this fantasy, i am cuddling by the fireplace with the dogs, drinking cocoa, relaxing under my blanket. i do not have a fireplace or cocoa, but i do have dogs, so i think i can make this work.

meo died around 1:30 this morning. he died in david's arms while we snuggled him in bed. he had been very weak all day and we could tell it was coming. we made sure that one of us was touching him the entire day. he only mewed once, and, in typical meo fashion, it was because he wanted more cuddles.
david's grandma came over around 2 and we buried him in the yard with little stones around him for a plot.
i am hurt, but david is broken. send him kind thoughts, please.

You know, I think the Catholic Church would have better turn out if it didn't refer to its holidays as "Holy Days of Obligation". Why not "Jesus Parties"?

I also think kids would have more fun studying advanced mathematics if we refer to proofs as "math hugs."

IT IS 90 DEGREES IN MY APARTMENT. THE AIRCONDITIONING IS BUST.

THIS IS UNFORTUNATE.COM

my car is totaled. my precious first ever dream car sexy black pt cruiser with wood side-paneling that i was nowhere close to paying off, my dear pepperbox, is dead. i had a good long sob.

here's the new plan: insurance is paying off the remaining $10000 on my loan. i'm going to get a new loan, buy a cheap old car for under $5000, use my summer school fee as a down payment, and come out of this with a new car and $7000 less debt than i would have had previously.

this situation really sucks, but it is the best possible car accident i could have had, so no worries, amigos.

So this morning, Wigglepuppy started heaving and making this weird sound that is basically the sound baby teeth shaking around in a Coke can. I thought he was going to burst, so David and I ushered him outside. He started barfing.
He barfed up a penny.
Then he came back into the living room, barfed four more times, and threw up more change.

Lol combined with WAH WAAAAAAH.

I find this really funny and ironic and also kind of terrifying. Watch The Business of Being Born in order to see that this type of statement is a perfect example about what midwives fight against: "Birth isn't normal! Everything goes wrong all the time! Women's bodies don't work right! Natural birth isn't natural!!"

Ugh. And this was posted on TMZ, which gets like 9 trillion hits a day.

my favorite student (from last year) just sent me this:



i told him that while the content was not appropriate to send to a teacher, i did teach them mathematical pick up lines last year, and i really appreciated the gesture.
it was also the only thing that got me to stop crying.

one of my students tried to kill herself over the weekend. it's what's called an "earnest attempt"--no threats, no signs, just tried to end it.*

the stepsister of another one of my students ran away and got half way across the state this weekend before she ended up in a hospital. horrible enough. she ran away because my student has been sexually assaulting her on a regular basis for over a year.

i do not know how to deal with these things.








*interestingly, while this was happening, down to the hour, i was having a dream that my above-mentioned favorite student had died. i spent the entire dream crying and mourning him. huh.

i have to read 10 books and an obstetrics textbook in the next 6 months for my midwifery class.

off to the library!

that make me happy:

1. The background on my phone is now a looping video of Jayme and Portillo dancing...and it matches the beat of any song!

2. David and I spent the evening having a romantic date at Home Depot. He now has everything he needs to build a new terrarium for Frisky Dingo, including a car full of lumber and a miter saw; I now have everything I need to grow an organic herb garden in the backyard, including fertilizer made from worm poop and a watering can. IT WILL BE LIKE HARVEST MOON FOR REALZ.

3. Tomorrow is PUPPY BOWL!!!!!!!

I will not comment much on my recent and shameful yarn gluttony...let me just say that I am certainly my father's daughter, and sometimes I think I inherited his impulse control.

In other yarny news, I got my first shipment from the Lucky Lurker's Club (David's Christmas present to me) yesterday, and it's really beautiful!! It's nice DK weight yarn in these deep, beautiful purples and blues and it's just perfect for a quick knit (as quick as anything requiring thousands of meticulous, identical stitches can ever be). There are only two problems with it.
1. The pattern. This is a sock club, but the pattern? Mittens. I have a harder time justifying making mittens in AZ than wool socks. Luckily I have the generic duet sock pattern to work off of as well.
2. The name. The colorway is called "Winter Equinox". Now, I might not be Wiccan anymore, but last time I checked there was no such thing as a winter equinox. A solstice, yes. Equinox? Grrrr.

I have a new RCIA sponsor. Her name is Helen and she is also a math teacher and wicked nerdy and part of what one might refer to as the "tapered pants crowd". She's a decent lady and likes to hug me, so everyone wins!!


Things between David and me are better. Incredibly better. Probably the best they've ever been!! What happened happened thusly: he noticed that I've been withdrawn. Like, super withdrawn, even for me, who is not usually too loquacious to begin with. We stopped having sex and I kind of stopped touching him all together. He asked me what was up and promised to just listen, and I told him everything that's been bugging me (that also marked the first time ever that David initiated a late night talk. Erin: 500000 late night talks. David: 1.)
I told him that I was having feelings for Jayme, but that I recognized it as a symptom of feeling the strain of our relationship and that I chose not to act on it, and he was actually pretty cool about it. Also, just talking it out helped me put things in perspective--Jayme is basically David but less angry. I guess I have a type, and that type is burly Jewish guys.

We are both really really working on things, and it's going so much more smoothly than I was hoping. We're both no longer such extreme personalities, I think--I'm not as super sensitive and he's not so aggressive. I'm very glad that he's becoming more considerate and conscientious, and that I'm becoming more assertive. But, I still appreciate having a boyfriend who can kill a man with his bare hands like fifteen different ways, and he still appreciates having a girlfriend who cries during Buffy episodes.

I really thing we're reaching an equilibrium. In the winter. So, a winter equinox? Hey, it works. :)

no cheese, extra sauce, tomatoes, double onions.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

please please please send me strength because i don't know how to endure one more day but i know that i have to endure it, somehow.

aurora, goddess sparkle
shoot me beyond this suffer
the need is great

Yeeeeee! I am now on Ravelry! after being on the waiting list for over a month. If you are, too, I can has screename??? Mine is sockblocker.

i realized what my mood is: i am in the mood to lay out on chapin lawn in this lovely weather. i am having physical memories of smith in the late summer. it makes me feel free and as if this isn't really my life. le sigh

and she is officially my ideal woman.



is amber benson gay?

The mystery of who has been bringing in dead cockroaches and headless lizards and lining them up then the hall has been solved!
It was not David, which is a relief.
It is Alex, our very witchy black cat, who wants to impress us with her mad hunting skills.
I am notsoimpressd.